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:icondinadan-ermorfea: More from Dinadan-Ermorfea


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December 18, 2009
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"That must be my new gloves," smiled Andrew hearing the letterbox clatter as letters were pushed through it followed by a knock at the door.  When he opened the door, there was no-one there – just a small brown box with his name and address on it.  Usually the postman handed parcels over personally, so it was strange that this time he had just left it there, but Andrew just shrugged it off, thinking that the guy must have been in a rush or something.  Absentmindedly, he gathered up the letters and dumped them on the kitchen counter after a quick flick through to check there were none for him.  He immediately dashed upstairs to his study and started to open the box.

It was bound tightly in cellotape and he had a hard time getting into it with his short, bite-blunted nails, but eventually he managed to break through and open the lid flaps, spilling polystyrene peanuts all over his desk.  Mildly annoyed he brushed them into the bin and grabbed the plastic packaged gloves, tearing open the wrapping.  As he pulled out the gloves, he didn't notice a small card fall out onto the floor.  Gingerly, with mock reverence, he held up the gloves looking at them.

He smiled, liking how the smooth, fine wool felt against his fingers and his palms began to itch with anticipation of trying them on.  Carefully he pulled them on one at a time, pulling the long 'cuffs' right up his arm as far as they would go.  Smiling, he admired how they looked on his hands, not noticing that his arms, wrist and hands under them had slimmed down slightly.  Turning back to his computer, he returned to browsing the internet, just as he had been doing before the knock at the door.

As he sat typing, he didn't notice as his hands continued to slim and his fingers began to take on a feminine appearance, his nails growing longer and black nail polish spreading over them – not that he'd have minded the nail polish part being slightly emo/gothy anyway.  Absently, he scratched his right eyebrow and then flicked a few stray strands of hair from his fringe with his thumb, spreading the change to his head.   Long dark hair cascaded down his back as his skin began to soften and makeup applied itself to his face.

The slimming had run up his arms and was crossing his shoulder blades as his head finished changing and the unnoticed wave of feminization slimed his neck.  It wasn't only his body that was changing, and as the changes reached his tee-shirt, it too began to change, remoulding itself stitch-by-stitch.  As a bra formed under the emerging low-cut dress, his chest tightened slightly and relaxed, filling the lingerie.  As the changes spread downward, Andrew felt a tightness between his legs where his boxers had become knickers, but before he really registered it, the tightness was gone, and unconsciously, she shrugged here shoulders.

As the transformation neared its end, her legs slimmed down and her sock crept up them, unrolling into black legwarmers.  By the time her slippers remoulded themselves into wedge-heeled slip-ons, her trousers had already finished becoming a smooth black dress.  With the transformation complete, her throat began to feel dry and as she rubbed it, Andrea sighed, "Man I need a drink."  Blinking at the sound of her new voice she replied to herself "Wow, I must really need that drink."

Grabbing her empty glass, she went to her en suite, still not noticing the changes her new gloves had wrought.  As she entered her bedroom, she glanced over at the full length mirror in the corner and was taken aback by what she saw.  The glass slipped from her fingers as she gasped in shaock.

"What the...?" she cried half with horror and half with intrigue.  She looked down at herself in disbelief, taking in the curve of her attractively small breasts and slim waistline.  Something at the back of her mind suggested that it must have been the gloves and swiftly, she ran back to the study.  She grabbed the package and rummaged around in it to see if there was anything to explain this, but she couldn't find anything.  Slumping in her chair in defeat she stared at the floor, her gaze alighting on the card that had fallen out earlier.  Snatching it up she read what it said.

Magic Fingerless Gloves

it read.  'No help there,' she thought, 'That's what the website said they were called.'  Moving her thumb she noticed a small 'PTO' inscribed in the corner of the card.  Turning it over, she read:

Women's Gloves

'Huh?'
she thought confused, 'I thought these were unisex.' Her shoulders slumped in confusion, but then an idea hit her – 'If the women's gloves have turned me into a girl, maybe the men's gloves will turn me back into a guy!'  Excitedly she quickly loaded up the website of the company that made the gloves.

"Good thing they've got next day delivery and everyone's away for the week," she grinned, "Now to get those gloves."  Leaning over her keyboard ready to enter her details she looked at the screen looking for the gloves' section on the site.  "But first," she smiled espying the shoes and accessories section, "Time for a little shoe shopping..."
Just another little TG story I thought up.
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:icon1234rainbowdash:
1234Rainbowdash Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2013

send me those gloves

 

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:icondinadan-ermorfea:
Dinadan-Ermorfea Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol
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:icon1234rainbowdash:
1234Rainbowdash Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013

y

e

a

 

l

o

l

Reply
:iconprincesskooh:
PrincessKooh Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Nice! And lol at the shoe shopping XD us girls would so do that too
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:icondinadan-ermorfea:
Dinadan-Ermorfea Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks
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:iconsaiyan-frost:
saiyan-frost Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Hullo! I wrote down a few things in Word as I read this as a bit of a critique; mostly grammer stuff. Here are the things I noted:

“…smiled Andrew hearing the letterbox clatter as letters were pushed through…” Repetition of the word “letter” – it makes the sentence sound a bit weird, and may distract readers. Being in the very first sentence, which is most critical, I highly recommend perhaps replacing “as letters were pushed through” to “as envelopes (or mail) were pushed through” or find an alternative to “letterbox” (such as mailbox). I usually wouldn’t be too picky, but the first sentence can often make people decide whether or not they wish to continue reading the story.

“…it was strange that this time he had just left it there, but Andrew just shrugged it off…” Repetition of the word “just” – perhaps consider finding a way to rephrase the sentence so you can eliminate or replace one. Not as critical as the previous word repetition, but still a consideration.

“As he sat typing, he didn't notice as his hands continued to slim and his fingers began to take on a feminine appearance…” By itself, this is an otherwise fine sentence. However, the previous paragraph already has the description: “…not noticing that his arms, wrist and hands under them had slimmed down slightly…” I feel that the two sentences are too similar; you are repeating yourself. The “feminine appearance” if fine, but perhaps the rest almost seems like we’re being retold the same fact – it wouldn’t be as much of a problem, but both descriptions are very close together. I’m not suggesting to eliminate that Andrew is oblivious to he is changing, but it might be more effective to phrase it in a just as descriptive, but different way.

It feels like you use the word(s) slim/slimmed/slimming too much; it wouldn’t hurt to use other words to describe “slim” in different places, to break up the use of the word.

That's the end of the Word notes, I do apologize for their somewhat blunt appearance, but I didn't want to get to the point so as not to waste space (like I am doing right now lol).

It's quite a good, imaginative short story; I think perhaps your description could be aided by using a few more words (most of that main points I covered above already). Also, I noted you didn't use any semi colons; I don't know what your other prose pieces are like, but if you're not much of a semi colon user, it might be worth experimenting with it. It may not be in your style, though; I can't help but use them, perhaps a bit too much. I mostly suggested the use of the semi colon because it can be quite a useful tool to join two sentences, and might open up new avenues for your writing.

Also, I noticed there are alot of full stops which have three spaces after them before the next word; I didn't mention this above because I have a sneaking suspicion it is either due to the way DA uploads lit, or perhaps the way you've transfered it (copying and pasting can sometimes do weird things; especially from Word). I've seen it in other prose pieces, so that's what made me think it was something weird happening to put those there.

Keep up the great writing, you're doing a fine job ;)
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:icondinadan-ermorfea:
Dinadan-Ermorfea Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the feedback :) I'll run through your point one at a time.

1) To be honest, I think this is mainly a matter of opinion, as I personally don't find the first sentece wierd and to me, it seems to flow naturally. I suppose it could be because I'm British, and as such my usage of English is slightly different to yours, resulting in different views on what sounds 'natural'. For example, I'd wouldn't use 'mailbox' (unless I was specifically writing about an American character/character from a country which uses that word) as that's not what I call it (and I've never heard a Brit call it that). Similarly, for me, 'mail' is 'post', and substituing in '(the) post' makes the sentence sound unnatural to me.

2) Again, I think this comes down to dialect, as to me, that repitition sounds ok, and wouldn't bother me if I read it in someone else's work.

3) Sounds a bit like you have a peeve with repetition. The repetition of 'slim' is on purpose, as it is supposed to be more 'thematic' than just not bothering with anything else. Think of it more like a chorus in a song - something that's repeated every so often to tie the whole together.

4) I do occassionally use semi-colons, I just haven't done so above.

5) I think this is a formatting thing on the part of DA. I only use single and double spacing (the former for in sentences, the later for at the end of sentences).


Once more thanks for the feed back (and apologies if I should a bit harsh in some of my counters).
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:iconsaiyan-frost:
saiyan-frost Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
True, we have differences in our context of certain words in the English language, but we essentially still speak English.

I honestly think you shouldn't shrug of the repition so quickly; some of it is okay, the letterbox one is not a real problem after you explaniation. But you could certainly use a theasuarus to get the same effect for "slimmng". Repetition of words can become boring - especially in a short story.

Writing is an art not a science though, so I won't bother you again; thanks for your response, it's highly appreciated. I am by no means the perfect writer myself but I do critiques/reviews/read-overs such as this to both practice my own editing skills, and because I know that sometimes it's difficult to pick up on ones own mistakes or flaws.
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:icondinadan-ermorfea:
Dinadan-Ermorfea Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Feel free to check my other stories out if you want.

As for the repetition, generally I do very words in my writing (sometimes I am aware of repitition and go out of my way to use a synonym, but frequently it does come off as using an alternative for the sake of using and alternative when over used). With 'slim' in this story, like I said, if you view it more like a chorus or a mantra, it binds the TF together ;)
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:icondoomed-swordmaster:
doomed-swordmaster Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
cool good story
keep it up
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